When They See Me With You, I Wonder What The People Will Say

Hey everybody! Hope you're enjoying the block party. This is Jasu Sade and I'm going to be checking in on the block weekly, as a contributing writer to the Avenue Pink blog. I'll be sharing some thoughts on the body & soul themes related to each week's radio show topic. Check me out!

Many women that decide to forgo their relaxers go through a complex thought process before they decide to start anew. There are so many ways to make that transition, but no one really enjoys their look during their transition. I mean, at this point you’re so over all the breakage or just want a new look and being in between chemically processed hair and tight coils that you probably haven’t seen in quite some time and no matter how hard you try, we realize that a finding a comfortable medium during this period is few and far between.

Those who have undergone this phase usually come to realize that there just isn’t a perfect hairstyle that accommodates the odd couple hair types that you are trying to fashionably co-habitate. Let’s keep it real: there are few options out there, apart from rocking braided or twisted extensions and weaves. Trying to make it work with without any other hair additions can be pretty trying.

So now what? The decision you thought was so effortless has become a burden to you. It’s like you know you want to ‘go natural’ (kinda makes you wonder, “if we’re going natural, just where did we come from?“), you might even have the perfect natural hairstyle in mind, but after you think more about the time commitment of this in-between stage, the questions begin, ‘How am I going to do that?’ Now, not only wondering about how you’ll manage the task of maintaining your hair, but also how you’ll be received by other people by others, while you’re steadfast on your path to natural and when you land your destination.

Gets to be tough when you have family and friends that might not be as supportive of your decision, asking questions like ‘Why you would want to do something like that to your hair?, when you share the news, often followed by, ‘Your hair is so long, though, and it looks so good the way it is [straight].’ Those sisters that have what folks refer to as ‘good hair’ (check Avenue Pink’s May 11th show), especially know what I’m talking about! They’re on some: “Don’t let go of the good hair!“ trip. Even those who have been pegged with having ‘bad hair’ understand this response when family and friends find indirect ways of communicating their disapproval of your decision, implying that a relaxer saved you from the hair misfortune you were born with (Sidebar: In my opinion, good hair is clean and healthy hair. Period.). Makes you wonder if they’ll see you as a different person with you’re new ‘do. . . These types of reactions really do beg the question: If this is how people that know me feel about me changing my hair, how will those that don’t know me perceive me?

Crazy, right? Thought all you were doing was making a move to a new look, right? Yeah, so did I. Being aware that for some of us, there are some cultural reasons that support our decision to rock a natural 'do, but at the end of the day, it’s still just hair. But in my experience and conversations with others, making the switch also seems to have some baring on the type of people that are attracted to you, both platonic and and romantic. Instead of getting the brothas stepping to me with the “Yo, ma’s!” “Ay, shawty’s” and the “Lemme holla at you for a minute!” (cue Dave Chapelle: “Holla holla holla holla holla holla holla” LMAO!), I noticed more brothas actually approaching me with real conversation instead of hollering at me -- literally. Don’t know what it is, exactly, that inspires the change in their introduction strategy, but it is different. Even the type of brothas are different: (Disclaimer: This is not to typecast anyone: different characters are identified with ALL types of looks. I’m just calling it how I see it.) used to be more of any random guy hitting me with some combination of “what it is/what's good with you/excuse me, miss” lines, often saggin pants and broken language but now I get more professionally polished, articulate brothas that introduce themselves and can hold a conversation.

Not insisting that the natural ‘do brings about an upgrade in men, but I will suggest that natural hairstyles are often stand-outs features. The interpretation of a woman who decides to rock a fro, twists, curls, locks, or like style is that she is self-aware (knowledge of self) and suggests self-confidence (b/c let’s face it, not everyone breaks away from the norm/societal standard of beauty). And even though, in this scenario, it might help to weed out unwanted solicitations and illuminate the ‘Welcome’ sign to the type of people you would like to attract, there’s still conflicts. Like do you want to stand out? Or are you prepared to be perceived as a boldly culturally conscious person (whether you are or you aren’t) in the corporate arena where you are pressured to conform and others that look like you are few and far between? Hitting the play button on some of these scenarios, really has some of us thinking, "I wonder what the people will say. . ."

As much as we'd like to ignore a lot of the pressures to 'look the part,' they're there. Its about how we respond to them. Do you internalize it or give those standards the backseat to your own priorities? I always say STOP and take a moment to remember that it is just hair! How I'm styling mine is just another creative extension of my personality.

Why do we trip about what other people will think? Hair is just a part of our outward image, YES, but I think the beautiful thing about it is that you can style it to your own flavor. Even if you’re going through the perm vs. the natural hair battle and you’re in a hair transit phase, on the path to your new ‘do, don’t bother wondering what the people will say, do you!

Whether weaved or locked up, relaxed or ‘froed-out, rock it how you would -- with P-R-I-D-E!